How To Over-Come Discouragement

Thanks to my friend Jim McCune for this timely message.

How To Over-Come Discouragement
by Philip Humbert

Recently, I’ve received a number of emails asking how to motivate
ourselves and push forward when we are discouraged. Sometimes the
writer describes it as depression, other times they use words like
frustration, or feeling “stuck” and they want to know how to turn
things around. That’s a great question!

We all feel discouraged or frustrated or “stuck” at some point in
our lives. Whether it’s being at our “wits end” with our kids or
scared that a business venture won’t work out, or confused by our
own behavior around something we very much want but seem unable to
achieve, we all have these feelings!

Unfortunately, one of the first things I notice is that many of the
writers are asking terrible questions! They ask me “why am I so
stuck?” or, “Why does this always happen to me?” Notice the
assumptions they make about being “so” stuck and that this sense of
discouragement or frustration “always” happens. With questions like
that, no wonder they stay stuck!

A much better question is, “How do highly successful people handle
these normal experiences and get back on track?”

Here are a few of my observations about how successful people
handle the roadblocks and frustrations of life.

1. First, they acknowledge that what they are doing isn’t working,
and they stop to catch their breath. They do NOT beat their head
against a wall! Take a break! Get some objectivity and relax for a
moment. If you’re discouraged, frustrated, depressed or stuck, be
honest enough to say, “this isn’t working” and give yourself a rest.

2. Second, they get curious. They want to understand exactly what’s
happening. There is a difference between being discouraged, which
has to do with fatigue (it may be time for a vacation), verses
depression, which is an illness (it may be time to see a doctor).
Frustration, on the other hand, is the firm belief that my goal is
entirely possible, it’s just not happening yet!

3. They double-check their values and highest aspirations. Often we
are frustrated because our goal is not consistent with our values.
Sometimes we sabotage or procrastinate because deep inside we don’t
truly want the thing we say we want. Human beings can achieve
amazing results when they are totally committed. Unfortunately, we
are also capable of fooling ourselves about this.

4. They ask great questions. They ask, “What worked for me in the
past?” or “How have other people solved this problem?” They consult
with experts, read books, search the Internet, and find answers
that can help them move forward. If nothing else, they ask, “What
crazy, off-the-wall thing could I try just for fun?”

5. They take DIFFERENT action. After checking their values, perhaps
taking a short rest, and asking great questions, successful people
do something different than what they were doing. They try another
way. They hire an assistant or a consultant. They develop a new
strategy or change their approach.

I’ve come to believe that discouragement, a sense of failure, and
especially frustration are actually very useful “early warning
signs.” They are the brain’s way of telling us our objective is
reachable, but that we are going about it the wrong way. These
normal experiences tell us to step back, get perspective, take a
deep breath, and think clearly! Strategize. Get creative. Ask
better questions.

And most important, clarify your values and be certain they support
you in achieving your goal. I think ambivalence is perhaps the
greatest source of discouragement. We want more money, but don’t
want to be away from home. We want to lose weight, but enjoy eating
too much. Get clear!

When our values align with our goals, and we ask the right
questions, anything is possible! Use discouragement to your
advantage! It’s your brain telling you to pause, develop a better
strategy, and work smarter rather than harder.

Quotes of the Week

“Don’t wait for a light to appear at the end of the tunnel, stride
down there and light the bloody thing yourself.”
— Sara Henderson

“Identify your problems, but give your power and energy to
solutions.”
— Anthony Robbins

“Success is neither magical or mysterious. Success is the natural
consequence of consistently applying the basic fundamentals.”
— Jim Rohn

“Fantasies are more than substitutes for unpleasant reality, they
are also dress rehearsals; plans. All acts performed in the world
begin in the imagination.”
— Barbara Grizzuti Harrison

Thoughts reap Actions,
Actions reap Habits,
Habits reap Character,
and Character reaps Destiny.
–Unknown

….this one was on my friend Dan’s Mom’s fridge:

Aspire to Inspire before You Expire.

Never let your Knowledge outweigh your Enthusiasm!

Thanks to Scott Houston for this post

Huffington Post recently put up a story called “You’re Out: 20 Things That Became Obsolete This Decade.” It’s a great retrospective on the technology leaps we’ve made since the new century began and the difference today’s technology will make in the lives of tomorrow’s kids.

Kids born in 2011 will probably not recognize any of the following….

Video tape: Starting this year, the news stories we produce here at Money Talks have all been shot, edited, and distributed to TV stations without ever being on any kind of tape. Not only that, the tape-less broadcast camera we use today offers much higher quality than anything that could have been imagined 10 years ago — and cost less than the lens on the camera we were using previously.

Travel agents: While not dead today, this profession is one of many that’s been decimated by the Internet. When it’s time for their honeymoon, will those born in 2011 be able to find one?

The separation of work and home: When you’re carrying an email-equipped computer in your pocket, it’s not just your friends who can find you — so can your boss. For kids born this year, the wall between office and home will be blurry indeed.

Books, magazines, and newspapers: Like video tape, words written on dead trees are on their way out. Sure, there may be books — but for those born today, stores that exist solely to sell them will be as numerous as record stores are now.
Movie rental stores: You actually got in your car and drove someplace just to rent a movie?

Watches: Maybe as quaint jewelry, but the correct time is on your smartphone, which is pretty much always in your hand.

Paper maps: At one time these were available free at every gas station. They’re practically obsolete today, and the next generation will probably have to visit a museum to find one.

Wired phones: Why would you pay $35 every month to have a phone that plugs into a wall? For those born today, this will be a silly concept.

Long distance: Thanks to the Internet, the days of paying more to talk to somebody in the next city, state, or even country are limited.

Newspaper classifieds: The days are gone when you have to buy a bunch of newsprint just to see what’s for sale.

Dial-up Internet: While not everyone is on broadband, it won’t be long before dial-up Internet goes the way of the plug-in phone.

Encyclopedias: Imagine a time when you had to buy expensive books that were outdated before the ink was dry. This will be a nonsense term for babies born today.

Forgotten friends: Remember when an old friend would bring up someone you went to high school with, and you’d say, “Oh yeah, I forgot about them!” The next generation will automatically be in touch with everyone they’ve ever known even slightly via Facebook.

Forgotten anything else: Kids born this year will never know what it was like to stand in a bar and incessantly argue the unknowable. Today the world’s collective knowledge is on the computer in your pocket or purse. And since you have it with you at all times, why bother remembering anything?

The evening news: The news is on 24/7. And if you’re not home to watch it, that’s OK — it’s on the smartphone in your pocket.

CDs: First records, then 8-track, then cassette, then CDs — replacing your music collection used to be an expensive pastime. Now it’s cheap(er) and as close as the nearest Internet connection.

Film cameras: For the purist, perhaps, but for kids born today, the word “film” will mean nothing. In fact, even digital cameras — both video and still — are in danger of extinction as our pocket computers take over that function too.

Yellow and White Pages: Why in the world would you need a 10-pound book just to find someone?

Catalogs: There’s no need to send me a book in the mail when I can see everything you have for sale anywhere, anytime. If you want to remind me to look at it, send me an email.

Fax machines: Can you say “scan,” “.pdf” and “email?”

One picture to a frame: Such a waste of wall/counter/desk space to have a separate frame around each picture. Eight gigabytes of pictures and/or video in a digital frame encompassing every person you’ve ever met and everything you’ve ever done — now, that’s efficient. Especially compared to what we used to do: put our friends and relatives together in a room and force them to watch what we called a “slide show” or “home movies.”

Wires: Wires connecting phones to walls? Wires connecting computers, TVs, stereos, and other electronics to each other? Wires connecting computers to the Internet? To kids born in 2011, that will make as much sense as an electric car trailing an extension cord.

Hand-written letters: For that matter, hand-written anything. When was the last time you wrote cursive? In fact, do you even know what the word “cursive” means? Kids born in 2011 won’t — but they’ll put you to shame on a tiny keyboard.

Talking to one person at a time: Remember when it was rude to be with one person while talking to another on the phone? Kids born today will just assume that you’re supposed to use texting to maintain contact with five or six other people while pretending to pay attention to the person you happen to be physically next to.

Retirement plans: Yes, Johnny, there was a time when all you had to do was work at the same place for 20 years and they’d send you a check every month for as long as you lived. In fact, some companies would even pay your medical bills, too!

Mail: What’s left when you take the mail you receive today, then subtract the bills you could be paying online, the checks you could be having direct-deposited, and the junk mail you could be receiving as junk email? Answer: A bloated bureaucracy that loses billions of taxpayer dollars annually.

Commercials on TV: They’re terrifically expensive, easily avoided with DVRs, and inefficiently target mass audiences. Unless somebody comes up with a way to force you to watch them — as with video on the Internet — who’s going to pay for them?

Commercial music radio: Smartphones with music-streaming programs like Pandora are a better solution that doesn’t include ads screaming between every song.

Hiding: Not long ago, if you didn’t answer your home phone, that was that — nobody knew if you were alive or dead, much less where you might be. Now your phone is not only in your pocket, it can potentially tell everyone — including advertisers — exactly where you are.
___

Special for Psychology Today’s Psyched for Success newsletter by Hara Estroff Marano, Editor at Large

The subject is lasting change, how to get beyond resolutions that repeatedly meet failure and into the promised land of sustained change.

The secret is, you can achieve what you want only if you have a clear vision of where you are headed. “The reason most people aren’t moving forward,” says Ti Caine, a hypnotherapist and life coach based in Sherman Oaks, California, “is that they don’t even know where they are going.” If they are going anywhere, it’s towards whatever they got programmed for, which is essentially whatever their parents envisioned for them. They are not even living their own lives.

Successful people, on the other hand, know where they are going and dare to aim for the moon. They believe that everything is possible — while most people are taught to settle. But settling is the antithesis of the human spirit. Nevertheless, Caine points out, whole schools of thought are dedicated to the idea that the way to achieve happiness is to lower your expectations and pretend to be happy with whatever you have. That, Caine argues, is more accurately the passport to depression.

The only failure in life is not to try. You can live your life and learn to manage the mistakes. But if you never try, you atrophy as a human being. Caine recalls the most meaningful summation he ever heard of this core truth. He was addressing a group of drug addicts in a rehabilitation center, winding up an impassioned 45-minute talk, when a cowboy in the corner stood up and roped in the bull: “I think I understand what you are getting at. What we say in Montana, where I come from is, ‘better to aim for the moon and miss, than aim for a pile of sh*t and hit.’”

Caine believes that the biggest delusion people try to settle for is that they are powerless and should be satisfied just with what they have, when they really want more from life. He is particularly concerned about the many people in unsatisfying and even destructive relationships who are trying to convince themselves — or their partners are trying to convince them — that what they have is good enough. It is important to be honest.

In order to transform your present into the future you want, it is necessary to tell yourself the truth about what you really want, and to envision the whole future — FutureVisioning, he calls it — not just in the single facet you want to change but your whole future in its entirety. That’s because everything works together, and each facet of your life influences all the others. Further, looking at your whole life deters the seesaw effect that mars so many self improvement efforts, whereby you successfully change one element of your life, such as achieving weight loss, only to sabotage yourself by gaining it all back or messing up in another area, such as your finances or your relationship.

Caine insists that it is critically important to clarify and write down your goals. In one notable study of Yale graduates, 3 percent of seniors reported having specific written financial goals. About 10 percent had general goals that were not committed to paper. The rest had no specific goals. Twenty years later, the 3 percent who wrote down their goals had outperformed the other 97% combined. Writing down your goals gives you power and creates enthusiasm.

Having a complete vision of the future gives you a constant source of hope and motivation. Of course, the command to envision your whole future right off is far too global to help out most people. It’s most likely to induce a brain freeze, so Caine has found that breaking the future into its various domains helps people to discover that they really do know what they want.

In his seminars and private sessions Caine, as a certified hypnotherapist, actually guides his clients out into their future so they can really see, feel and experience their ideal life. This incredible FutureVisioning experience then engages their powerful subconscious mind to actually help them create those dreams coming true.
This is a secret that all successful people use unconsciously. You can join the winners and take the first step toward getting what you really want right now! Use the following guidelines to start writing down what your life will be like when your dreams come true.

• How will you feel emotionally living your ideal future? Describe how you will enjoy and express your full range of emotions while living your ideal life.

• Describe your ideal loving relationship and/or family. Include specific qualities for you and your mate. Describe the size of your family, the relationships between members and a list of aspirations, including things you would like to do together.

• Visualize a totally fulfilling social life. Describe the friends, business associates and community acquaintances you would enjoy, including the social events and the position or image you would like to attain. Whatever you can imagine, list it.

• Describe your dream physical and health state, weight, nutrition, exercise patterns and the activities you would like to be involved in as part of an energetic and joyful life.

• Describe the mental state you would like to attain, including all of the things you’d like to learn and know, the creativity you would like to develop, the formal and informal education level you would like to achieve, and the things that turn you on intellectually.

• What do you want in your life career-wise and financially three to five years from now? How will you feel in your ideal career? Imagine your financial dreams coming true. Be specific and list anything of value that would be symbolic of financial success, especially your giving.

• What do you really want in your life spiritually in three to five years? Describe the spiritual, moral state to which you aspire. What would it be like to have a magnificent and inspiring relationship with your God, higher power, or the Source as you imagine it?

Ti Caine is a dynamic speaker, an international workshop leader, a renowned hypnotherapist and life coach.

Hara Estroff Marano is the senior writer and Editor-At-Large of Psychology Today magazine. An award-winning writer on human behavior, Hara’s articles have appeared in publications including the New York Times, Smithsonian, Family Circle and Ladies Home Journal. She lives in New York City.
You can go to www.futurevisioning.com to get more information to empower yourself and to enrich your life.

It’s important to understand the real reasons why you fail, and it is a Great Time to be Creating Your Awesome Future so you can Succeed.

Do you know why January got its name, and how it is connected to Future Visioning?

The Romans named the first month of the year January after Janus, the god of beginnings and the guardian of doors and entrances. He was always depicted with two faces, one on the front of his head and one on the back. Thus he could look backward at the past and forward to the future at the same time. At midnight on December 31, the Romans imagined Janus looking back at the old year and looking forward to the new.

So, Why do over 50% of our U.S. population not look forward like the God Janus to set Goals or New Years Resolutions?

Because over 90% of our U.S. population, when they try to look forward, cannot imagine a future where their goals come true!!!!

And why do most goals and resolutions fail?

Over 90% of people are actually expecting long term failure, that’s why the don’t even try, and that’s why they fail!!!

In the last 15 years while developing relationships, I have asked hundreds of people what their Ideal Future would look like?

Over 90% answer that they don’t know!!!!!

And what is even worse than that is: I have found that what those 90% actually are seeing in their future is a mediocre life!

So the truth about goal setting is:  Deep down, most people feel that setting goals is as useless as

“Rearranging the Deck Chairs on the Titanic”!

If you were riding on the Titanic and yo knew you were eventually going to sink, would you really care about setting goals?

Would you put much effort into a game that you knew you were going to lose???

Of course not!!! And that’s why people don’t even bother to set goals and resolutions!
(This is one of the main reasons why living in the Now is so popular!)

So what can you do to get clear about your Ideal Future? What will help you look forward to success so you can set goals and make resolutions that will succeed?

Watch for the answers in the upcoming post…until then….Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year

Happy New Year!

I am  grateful as I pen this holiday letter.  Grateful to God that this past year has been a year of personal growth and excitement for our family. Grateful to God that we are all healthy and happiness is a constant state of mind.

Megan is at Rollins College in Winter park Fl. She is a sophomore and a resident assistant for her dorm and works part time. She is enjoying school and women’s studies are her major.

February took us to Idaho Falls where we mixed business with skiing and fun.  Family and friends sailed with us to the British Virgin Islands for a week in May where we renewed our vows for our 25th wedding anniversary on Peter Island.

I am grateful to have spent two weeks in Europe on a Rhine River cruise with my sister and l finished out the year with family in Mobile.

Now a new year unfolds ahead of us with new dreams and goal to accomplish. It is going to be an amazing journey, one I am looking forward to.

Our wish is that your family is blessed by God, with health, happiness, and prosperity in the coming year, and that new goals and dreams are set and accomplished.

To your Success,

Mike, Elysse, and Megan